The Ups and Downs of Life

Apologies for missing another post but Paul and I have been on a bit of a roller coaster with this whole baby thing lately. Just when we officially started to slam the door on the idea of a natural conception, the good doctor sticks his foot in the way. It seems while all my tests have come back normal, Paul's has been a bit inconclusive. Not that this necessarily means anything but thanks to the fact the past two doctors we saw have been incompetent quacks, his tests weren't run correctly and the results are invalid. So he's been asked to do them again this week and we'll see what happens. Of course we hope he's perfectly fine, nobody wants to hear there might be something wrong with them but if the tests come back and say exactly that, well at least we have a definitive answer and possibly a chance to fix the problem. If however these tests do say he's fine, that will finally shut the door as we've exhausted every possibility.

We've also decided that if modern medicine concludes we're both perfectly healthy and they don't know why we aren't able to conceive that it would be a big mistake to throw money away on IVF or the IUI we've been trying to raise money for. The way we see it, if modern medicine says you're fine but Mother Nature is saying no, no you're not then any attempts to bypass her would just end badly. We've already dealt with an inexplicable Ectopic Pregnancy and have since dealt with inexplicable infertility, obviously there's something going on that today's doctors and scientists just haven't discovered yet.

So the next step will be adoption and while we would love a little baby, the only way to get one is through private and international adoption agencies which are just light years out of our budget. So for the past year we've been entertaining the idea of adopting a child or sibling group through the Department of Health and Human Services. The process is a bit invasive but not nearly as lengthy or expensive as it would be for a baby. We went to an information session where they explain about the adoption and foster care system (ideally they'd like all potential adopters to be foster parents as well but for people like us who would eventually transfer out of state which could mean having to return any child or children in our custody back over to the state, it just isn't an option). If you're still interested, you take home a large packet of forms which ask questions about you and your family, have you get a release from your doctor saying you're mentally and physically capable of having children in your home, ask for three references who they will contact later and gives you instructions about getting your fingerprints done for the required background check. This is pretty much the only expense in the process and costs (here in Maine) $55 for every person living under your roof over the age of 18.

A few weeks later (depending on where you are and how busy they are) you'll hear that it's time for the home study and should make an appointment for the visit. They don't just ambush you one day for a surprise inspection, contrary to popular belief, and it's not a white glove thing. They're basically checking to see that you have adequate space for the child or children, that it meets safety and fire regulations and isn't roach or rodent infested (if you live like the people in that show Hoarders, I wouldn't bother applying). It also gives them the chance to go over your application, ask questions and get a better understanding of you and your family. It is illegal in the United States to reject any applicant based on religion, race or orientation so if you feel the the visit is turning or has turned in that direction, immediately contact the office and file a complaint. There have been times unfortunately when an uber Christian rep will get indignant while interviewing an openly gay or non-Christian couple or a rep will vehemently try to steer a couple away from the idea of adopting a child or children of another race but in all cases the home office is extremely apologetic (and appalled in most cases) and usually the Department head will come out to meet with you again themselves. I understand that in a majority of these cases the offender is either removed from that department or fired altogether but you have to speak up!

Anyway, once you're finally approved it's just a matter of choosing the child(ren) you wish to adopt and developing a repor with them. Some time during this process you and your significant other (you don't necessarily have to be married any more but you do have to show strong evidence of a lasting and solid relationship) will be required to take parenting classes. While raising children in general can be very taxing at times, there are extra hurdles when it comes to adopting children and these classes aim to help you deal with them. You've got emotional and psychological hurdles (many children have anger and abandonment issues due to events from their past and some may even hate you in the beginning and blame you for not being able to go home and see mom and dad again even if they were removed years before), you have to learn disciplinary actions (many agencies have you sign a form refusing to use physical discipline especially because of the child(ren)'s possible past history with domestic violence) and how to adapt your life now that this new person (or people) is in it. During the home study, if like me you indicated you grew up with physical discipline (ie your parents beat your ass when you set fire to the living room rug at age 7) they'll want to go a little more in-depth with you about it and ensure you're open to other methods of discipline.

As Paul and I know little to nothing about raising children and would most likely end up becoming a family of 4 or 5 overnight, we eagerly welcome the classes! This will be the most challenging adventure we've ever had to date and our paperwork is ready to send however, for the moment we've put the process on hold. Due to Paul's saga with his shoulder (long story short, he injured it badly during a deployment two years ago and reinjured it a few months ago but doctors are unwilling to do more surgery and have adopted a wait and see approach. You'd think after 6 months of minimal results from injections and therapy the time sit on your ass would end but apparently not. He's seeing a new doctor in the firm this week but if he ums and ahs the same way, we're switching him out to an orthopedic specialist who actually knows what the hell he's doing) we're unsure about our immediate future. Will the Coast Guard get so upset that Paul is taking so long to heal that they'll discharge him? Will they decide to transfer in a replacement and transfer us out again once he's back on the active list? Will we stay in the region long enough to be able to buy a house and therefore have a much more stable lifestyle to raise these poor kids in? We hope to have all these questions answered within the next six weeks at which time we'll look at the adoption question again.

So, thank you for riding the roller coaster that is our life. We hope you enjoyed the trip and will come back again soon! As it will be Memorial Day weekend, I'll probably post something very patriotic next week:)

...And On the Third Day We Were Engaged!

Greetings all! I know last week we promised to tell the story of how we fell in love but we decided though it makes for a great memory it doesn't make for good writing:( So, in commemoration of the event 11 years ago, we'll fast forward to Paul's marriage proposal!

On a chilly day about mid-March I got a phone call from my favorite Brit with news that he'd be coming to visit Easter weekend, just two weeks away! It would be a short visit but as we hadn't seen each other for three months it was still a nice surprise. Mom and I were active in the church choir and that being Easter Week we were singing ourselves hoarse from Wednesday night on and the schedule was fairly hectic. So dad met Paul at the airport on Holy Thursday, which like it did this year fell on April 1st, and headed right to church while mom and I were at practice before mass started. Between the long mass, dinner with the family and the fact that the only room we had for him was on the living room couch, Paul and I didn't get a chance to talk alone until late that night after everyone had gone to bed. The lights were low and the tv off so we could talk quietly without disturbing the rest of the family in the little two bedroom apartment when the conversation suddenly went serious. Paul looked a little nervous as he started talking about how much he always loved me from the beginning. Being we were involved in a mostly long distance relationship I'd insisted on our taking things slowly so when he said "I love you" a mere three weeks after we'd started dating and then more recently when he'd started talking marriage and kids three months prior to this visit, I'd panicked on both occasions and we'd gotten into huge fights. It wasn't that I didn't care for or love Paul but at 18 and 19 years old I wasn't exactly family oriented and the intensity of Paul's feelings along with the sureness of our future scared the hell out of me. Yet as he sat there now seriously telling me about his feelings for me I started wonder that maybe I'd held him at arm's length too often and for too long and he was breaking up with me. I started to get angry at both him for not having patience and myself for being such a chicken while at the same time glad that at least he was man enough to do it in person rather than leaving it to a letter or doing it over the phone when I saw him go down on one knee. Confusion caused my brain to stop functioning as he pulled out a dark blue felt box, opened it and presented a little gold ring with seven small diamonds glittering in the dim light and the words floated up to me, "will you marry me?"

My mouth fell open, he wants to get married? Is he serious? But it's April Fools Day? Could I see myself spending the rest of my life with this man? Do I love him that much? I searched inside the way I usually do when it comes to major life decisions. The idea of being someone's wife made me nervous but the idea of marriage, kids, spending the rest of my life with Paul just felt right. I immediately thought back to that day we'd first met and the moment we'd said goodbye in the lobby of that hotel and suddenly realized what it was I'd felt that day. I did love Paul, always had, and there was absolutely no fear. I had my answer and it was yes... and if this was some kind of joke I was going to kill him!

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That's it for this week kiddies. Next week will be the weird and wonderful story of when I visited the United Kingdom for the very first time, met the in-laws and got a crash course in culture shock all at the same time! Be sure not to miss it, if you thought Paul's meeting with my family was funny, this story will just kill you!

Meanwhile, don't forget to enter our giveaway! Right now every donation gets you entered in a live drawing April 25th (via Ustream, time TBD) for a Cappuccino Mug and Blueberry Pie candle set! You can't have pie without coffee and you just can't have coffee without pie:) The default flavors and scents are Cafe Latte and Blueberry but you can also get Mocha and Apple, Pumpkin, Strawberry, Lemon or Chocolate cream pie upon request. Or if you're sensitive or allergic to scented candles, they can also come unscented upon request.

So please, donate now and help us towards our goal of having a baby. Remember, proceeds not used by the procedure go to the March of Dimes and the National Adoption Center so you're helping three causes:) Also check out a site Paul and I created as part of our grieving process from our last pregnancy that gives information and guidance to those who've experienced the same problem and are having trouble dealing with it or knows of someone who does. Thanks and have a great week!

The Story of Us

In our crusade to raise money for the IUI I came across a writing contest that asks about love. I started thinking ok, with everything that's happened to us and everything we've been through what could I possibly write about that might come close enough to win? Well, the one story that always seems to get a reaction from people answers the question, "How did you two meet?"

It all started about 15 years ago. The internet was just starting to take off publicly, there was no Google, no Facebook or Twitter, not even Myspace and online shopping was a thing of science fiction... yes, it was the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth! I (Miranda) had been a member of a great international penpal club that I'd found advertised in the back of Writer's Digest two years previous and had just received my latest list of potential friend matches. Paul's listing was fairly non-descript but we had enough in common that I shot off my usual introduction letter to him. The day I graduated high school I received a letter back and our friendship began.

We both liked writing long letters and talked about everything. Paul was a nice guy with a good sense of humor, had a slight issue with self esteem which I was steadily working to help him with and was on my list of penpals to visit when I would someday embark on the backpacking trip across Europe I'd always dreamed of. After a few letters we exchanged pictures and well, let's just say the picture I received prompted my mother to ask, "are you sure he's not a convict?" I assured her the agency had a strict policy against inmates as members of the club. The sinister looking picture did put me on guard but Paul's letters up to that point had been very nice and normal but I proceeded with caution for a little while. It hadn't helped that during the two years I'd been a member of the club, for every 3 or 4 nice people I corresponded with, there would be the odd nutjob or men who were passionately in love with me just by my intro letter and wanted to marry me (aka trolls looking for an American Visa).

As time went on Paul and I exchanged letters and gifts during the holidays and slowly became more immersed in each others' lives. The only thing better than coming home from school to a thick envelope with an international stamp on it waiting for you is making or getting that first phone call from another country! With us this happened almost a year after our first correspondence when Paul announced he would be visiting New York City and wanted to meet all his friends there. Accounting for the 5 hour time difference, I nervously dialed the number enclosed in his letter. To this day I don't actually know what we talked about! With his thick British accent combating my Northern New Jersey hybrid and colloquialisms, our first phone conversation consisted mainly of "Huh? What? I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" After a few more phone calls, we started being able to understand each other better and we couldn't wait for our first meeting, neither of us suspecting the circus act that that would actually be. Then again, as we've since discovered everything we involve ourselves in becomes a circus act of some kind, it was perfectly fitting!

On that gorgeous temperate day in late June my mother and I were supposed to go into the city to meet Paul at his Manhattan hotel. Mom would've felt better if we'd had a man along but as dad and my uncle were working, this just wasn't possible. My younger sisters wanted to tag along and early that morning my uncle called to tell us he would be able to come along after all. So we piled into mom's Plymouth Voyager and zipped off to the 9am meeting. I didn't want Paul to be accosted by a group of strange people in a minivan so I told them to wait there while I met him in the lobby. It was just a few minutes before 9 and the lobby was empty so I crossed to the in-house phones, nodding to some guy coming out of the elevator, and called up to the room. There was no answer so I figured he was on his way down and sat in the lobby. A few minutes went by and my youngest sister, Annie, decided to join me in the lobby. A few more minutes went by before my other sister, Lavinia, kept us company. A few minutes after that my uncle joins us and so the three of us sit, across from the stranger from the elevator, and wait. It was 9:15 before I call the room again, still no answer, and we're starting to wonder what's going on? Was he running late? Maybe he's stuck in the bathroom from a bad dinner the night before? Suddenly, a lightbulb goes on. My uncle asks me, what's your friend's name? I say, Paul. My uncle looks over at the stranger and asks, are you Paul? Lo and behold, we'd been sitting there staring at each other the whole damn time! Mind you the only thing I had to go by was the portrait of evil that had been sent to me months earlier and didn't do the cutie sitting across from me justice! (shaddap Paul, you are too and quit blushing;)

During this time my mom had gotten in touch with my dad and found out he was able to get out of work early and would be meeting us at the Statue of Liberty. So we headed over after a stop at the Empire State Building, making small talk between questions about life in England that were getting increasingly more embarrassing thanks to my uncle, and met up with my dad. By then it was too crowded to get to anything other than her feet so we decided to hop the subway to Coney Island.

Now, there were three things I'd asked my family not to bring up while Paul was visiting, two of which my uncle unceremoniously hit on repeatedly throughout the day while asking questions that made me want the ground to open up and swallow me. Questions like, "So what do you think of the Queen?" and "Are there swimming pools in England?". The clincher occurred underground while we were waiting for the train to Coney Island. Charlie Brown's teacher got on the PA system to announce there was some kind of delay due to smoke in the tunnel. We started joking about the NY subway system when my dear ole uncle with the diarrhea mouth blurts out "well at least we don't bomb our train lines!" (for those who aren't aware or don't remember, the UK had recently been having big problems with IRA bombings on their transportation system).

Well, at that moment I think time literally stood still and my family and I had managed to suck all the oxygen from that station having gasped at the same time. While my father pulled me aside and talked me down from ideas of shoving my uncle in front of a passing train, my mother pulled my uncle to one side and screamed his ears off while my sisters stood there in a state of shock! I don't know what Paul was doing at the time as I was battling my homicidal rage and embarrassment.

The rest of the day was a good one. My uncle was notably silent as we cruised through the aquarium, rode the Cyclone, introduced Paul to his first Nathan's hot dog and NY pretzel and bantered about whether or not to go on the Wonder Wheel. I was sad to see the day end but at 4pm, Paul and I said our goodbyes in the lobby with a hug and the umpteenth apology about my uncle. I had no romantic inclination towards him at the time, however, as I watched him enter the elevator and gave a final wave before heading out into the street, I had a strong feeling almost as if it were a whispered suggestion, that Paul and I would be in each other's lives forever.

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And so, that's the story of how we met:) Next week, we'll tell you about Paul's second visit when friendship began to blossom into love, but then everyone knows there's magic at a Renaissance Fair!

In the meantime, we're having our first giveaway (we hope to have one every 6 weeks or so). Right now every donation gets you entered in a live drawing April 25th (via Ustream, time TBD) for a Cappuccino Mug and Blueberry Pie candle set! You can't have pie without coffee and you just can't have coffee without pie:) The default flavors and scents are Cafe Latte and Blueberry but you can also get Mocha and Apple, Pumpkin, Strawberry, Lemon or Chocolate cream pie upon request. Or if you're sensitive or allergic to scented candles, they can also come unscented upon request.

So please, donate now and help us towards our goal of having a baby. Remember, proceeds not used by the procedure go to the March of Dimes and the National Adoption Center so you're helping three causes:) Also check out a site Paul and I created as part of our grieving process from our last pregnancy that gives information and guidance to those who've experienced the same problem and are having trouble dealing with it or knows of someone who does. Thanks and have a great week!

Greetings and salutations!

Friends, Romans, countrymen lend us your ear!

Many of you know of our constant wrestling match with the ole stork and finally things have come to a head. After consulting yet another medical professional, it seems our chances of hearing the pitter patter of little feet without help is slim to none. So we've looked into it and have decided to try Intra-Uterine Insemination or IUI. For those who may not understand exactly what that is, basically Paul's swimmers and Miranda's eggs keep inviting each other to the dance but end up standing each other up. IUI basically plops them down in the same room so they can finally mambo!

This process usually involves 3 tries at the cost of $350 each. Being the broke military couple that we are, with an insurance that just won't cover it, this is where you fine people come in! Our 10th wedding anniversary is September 23rd and our goal is to raise $1000 by midnight of that very day. Should we succeed in achieving our long awaited bouncing baby this time next year, we'll of course throw a huge party in celebration and you're all invited to meet the little bundle of joy you helped create:)

Any money that isn't used (say should the 1st or 2nd IUI attempts succeed) will be donated to the March of Dimes and the National Adoption Center.

In the meantime we'll post interesting recipes, exercises and websites Miranda comes across in her crusade to shed the pounds and ensure a safer, healthy pregnancy and Paul's perspective on becoming a father and the whole process at large. And should we become successful, you all get to laugh at and with us as we deal with the pregnancy and count down the trimesters together!

Also, during the slower points (for those who aren't familiar or for those who feel like strolling down memory lane) we'll be telling the strange and funny story of how we met, first family meeting stories, how we managed the first three months of our marriage without killing each other, getting used to military life etc. And if all that wasn't enough, we'll be doing giveaways, posting cute or funny videos and holding strange polls for your entertainment.

So join us on our journey won't you? Put your money to a good cause, sit back and relax, enjoy the show:)